I didn’t know whether to plunge into the well of
treacherously vindictive scorpions; or whether to hang
myself insanely upside down from the cadaverously
gleaming gallows,
I didn’t know whether to chop my skull into an
infinite fragments with the merciless butcher knife;
or whether to let every conceivable parasite on this
boundless planet to uninhibitedly suck blood from my
derogatorily diminishing veins,
I didn’t know whether to stand bare-chested in the way
of the unrelentingly unsparing avalanches; or whether
to lecherously drown to the rock bottom of the deep
ocean; with an unsurpassable battalion of sinister
crabs in my mouth,
I didn’t know whether to torch my skin alive in a
gutter of insidiously adulterated kerosene; or whether
to ruthlessly excoriate every iota of my nimble skin;
from the top of my brutally emaciated bones,
I didn’t know whether to lethally gouge my eyes with
ghoulishly blood coated thorns; or whether to shatter
my entire countenance into a countless fragments;
sadistically banging my body against the venomously
cold-blooded rocks,
I didn’t know whether to bury myself alive infinite
feet beneath sinking soil; or whether to surrender
myself to every construable bit of disparagingly
convoluted badness; on the trajectory of this gigantic
planet,
I didn’t know whether to indefatigably sip vials of
hedonistically ghastly poison; or whether to get gored
full throttle; by the acrimoniously piercing thorns of
the savagely marauding bull,
I didn’t know whether to barbarously slash the
trembling veins of my palm with perfidiously criminal
blades; or whether to make a ludicrously grotesque
barbecue of myself for the unscrupulously wandering
termites,
I didn’t know whether to lividly wither like a
despondently crackled leaf; or whether to leap naked
fleshed from the pinnacle of the sky; to crunch my
every bone with stray pebbles and rocks on earth
beneath,
I didn’t know whether to let the demons crucify me on
the sacrificing altar torturously sucking every speck
of my exuberance under the acridly sweltering Sun; or
whether to raunchily take every pistol bullet that
hurtled pugnaciously in serene air; right in the
center of my head,
I didn’t know whether to timelessly incarcerate every
cursed breath of mine in chains of isolation; or
whether to tirelessly march through a graveyard of
sickness; where the ghosts of disease made every
instant of my life more crippling than an infinite
deaths,
I didn’t know whether to lasciviously slit every patch
of robustness in my throat with the satanic garden
shears; or whether to truculently blast even the most
inconspicuous element of sensitivity in my ears with
perniciously ribald bombs,
I didn’t know whether to indiscriminately inundate
every pore of my slavering body with unfathomably
unforgivable bitterness; or whether to greedily slurp
asphyxiating acid down my throat in incomprehensibly
luxurious amounts,
I didn’t know whether to forever disappear into the
corridors of bawdily nonchalant nothingness; or
whether to continuously lick victimizingly threadbare
dirt on the lavatory broomstick; like an irascible
cockroach all my life,
I didn’t know whether to become a live carrion for the
egregiously cannibalistic vultures; or whether to
surprisingly come in front of a speeding truck; being
massacred to a gory absolution without the slightest
intimation or respite,
I didn’t know whether to limitlessly hurt myself like
an uncontrollably prurient imbecile; or whether to
jinx myself with the most uxoriously tyrannical
spirits of fretfully decimating doom,
I didn’t know whether to baselessly howl the last
chord of my throat till the threshold of infinite
infinity; or whether to perch my diminutive form upon
the belligerently flaming pyre; for an irrefutable
isolation from the vagaries of this manipulatively
prejudiced planet,
I didn’t know whether to eat ominously bellicose
cyanide for dessert; or whether to forever snap my
inconsequential reflection from the periphery of this
fathomless earth; devastatingly fading into a corpse
of lunatic darkness,
Her loss was so profoundly unbearable that I really
didn’t know how to die; Her untimely departure was the
most irreversible defeat that I had faced in the
chapter of my truncated life,
And therefore; all that I intransigently sought for
today; was a death more ghastlier than the most
horrific of death could ever dream of or could ever
be; such a penalizingly lambasting corner in the
coffins of diabolical hell; where the absence of her
divinely sacrosanct form would never ever make me cry
again….
(c) (r) copyright-2004, by nikhil parekh. all rights reserved.
